Pressing Delete

September 16, 2009 at 3:02 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

I get lots of random messages on the church office’s answering machine.  In case you want me to DELETE your message, let me share with you three ways to get your message deleted before you finish! This is how the message started:

Good afternoon, Pastor!

Number 1: Use a generic name for me, that I don’t prefer.  This will tell me that you don’t know me, and don’t know anything about me or the church I serve with.

I am calling on behalf of a magnificent southern gospel ministry…

The NUMBER 2 way to get me to press the delete button is to use a nice adjective to describe your southern gospel ministry.  If you were so magnificent, churches (not mine) would be CALLING to book you, not you calling and begging for bookings. (Besides, I am almost sure it is an intrinsic impossibility for southern gospel to be magnificent. Tolerable? Sometimes. AND YES, this is MY opinion, so don’t comment bomb me about this.)

…called (you may want to write this down)  ______….

NUMBER 3: Tell me the one word, common name of the group you are calling on behalf of, and tell me that I will forget it if I don’t write it down.  Now, I may not be a rocket scientist, but I am not an idiot.  I can remember the name.  Save the “write it down” comments for the phone number or dates that you probably picked out for me, or the price (which I guess is free, just a “love offering”) or something more complex.

I am sure the message had more fodder for my blog-cannon, but I had wasted 10 seconds already. DELETE.  Gone forever.  Bye Bye.

(This blog post was written in fun.  It is true, but thought it would be fun to write it.)

(Disclaimer: I do not actually hate all Southern Gospel. Just all of it I have ever listened to.)

Wow.  Start the comment wars below.


  1. Sean McCarthy said,

    Hi, Reverend Johnson, I’m commenting on behalf of our magnificent Community Christian Church to see if you will be the speaker for our men’s retreat?!?!?! LOL

    • billyjohnsonlive said,

      Always a joker in the crowd.

  2. William Rude said,


    You forgot the “Most Righteous” in front of the Reverend!!!!!!

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